Your Guide to Creating a Miserable Holiday: A Top Ten List

It's been a rough year. Wouldn't it be a relief to set aside the problems and the issues for just a little while, and reclaim the things that really matter? Like the song says, we need a little Christmas.

That said, there will always be those who are determined to work themselves into a state of discouraged exhaustion.

If you're that type, here are a few tips to help you expedite your slide into a truly wretched holiday. (If you're ready to start anew this year - and actually take care of yourself this time around - then of course, do the opposite.)

1. Discard what the holidays are all about. Lose the meaningful things. This is about performance, not celebration.

2. Compare yourself. Constantly. Whether it's emanating from a phantom remnant of a TV commercial, or from your hyper-critical neighbor - or from your own penchant for hurting yourself - listen closely to that small voice in your head that tells you that nothing is good unless it's perfect.

3. Neglect your need for space. Believe that this special occasion will not happen unless you're 24-7 involved in the minutiae. Even a half-hour break to take a walk, or lie quietly on your bed, or just gaze out the window will bring your event crashing down.

4. Deprive yourself of a good night's sleep. Grouches and grinches are equally effective in creating a memorable holiday.

5. Decide that you aren't going to eat well, or shower regularly, and that makeup is a luxury that you don't have time for. After all, you're so busy, there simply aren't enough hours in the day; besides, you're going to get all messy anyway - what with digging out the trappings and trimmings, laundering the "for-special" table linens, doing the shopping and the cooking, and still managing your life. (And everyone else's.)

6. Don't delegate. You know that no one can do it as well as you can, so buck up and do everything on your own. Others will understand your bad mood, your kids can learn when they're older, and there's always next year to stop and smell the gingerbread. Right?

7. Bite off more than you can chew - literally. Eat until you get that "if I stand up right now I'll fall forward like a Weeble" sensation.

8. Bite off more than you can chew - figuratively. Make sure you take on roughly three times as much as you can reasonably handle.

9. Don't exercise, not even stretching. Make sure you indulge often enough in numbers 1-8 that you simply don't have the energy - or the interest.

10. Demand perfection. Adopt the attitude of, "This holiday will be magazine cover-perfect, OR ELSE." And then, follow through. After all, the holidays are all about...

Wait... What are the holidays all about?

Exactly.

May you and yours enjoy every good thing that the season brings. Happy Holidays.

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Jenna Brooks is an author, a consultant, and the Lead Technical Adviser on an upcoming feature film on Domestic Violence. She welcomes your comments through her website, Jenna Brooks Online.